Remembering one year ago...

Since Emery just turned one year old I've been thinking about one year ago how I felt on this day. My time in the hospital was such a magic time.
There was lots of pain. I was surprised at the postpartum pain. I had mentally fortified myself for the pain of birth and left no mental energy for the pain of postpartum and it took me off guard! I couldn't even get out of bed easily or sit down, or use the toilet.
And there was frustration. Emery wouldn't or couldn't breastfeed and I didnt know it then but her problems breastfeeding would turn into months and months of frustration, anxiety, and heartbreak for me... but at that moment I was frustrated that it wasn't working, but confident that soon it would work out fine. With the exception of a couple of nightmare experiences with the breastfeeding consultants in the hospital (shudder shudder) I felt pretty good about that.
But there was also contentment mixed with wonder. Today is the Sabbath and I remember that her second day of life was also the Sabbath. I lay next to her in the hospital bed and I told her all about the Sabbath. I told her about Jesus and how he died for her. And I told her about creation and how God rested on the Sabbath. And I told her why the Sabbath is important to me. And I told her about Adam and Eve, Noah and the ark, and Jonah and the whale, and David and Goliath... and I remember being surprised to discover that almost all the bible stories I know involve death and destruction.
But there was something magic about that time. When there was nothing in the whole entire world except Jimmy and Emery. And when Jimmy was asleep, there was nothing but Emery. And I held her little feet in my hands and I felt her hair and her hands and her tiny neck and her perfect nose and her soft ears. And I never minded getting up to rock her or feed her because she was the only thing in the world that mattered. And that feeling of contentment is what I remember most. The fear and the pain and the heartbreak all fade, but the contentment and the wonder is what I remember. And I hope I can always remember it.