5:00am thoughts

I am as fascinated by my nearly-3-month old daughter as she is of everything else. I watch her as I pump my milk at 5:00 in the morning. She lays on her back in the little play mat my sister bought for her. It's just a soft mat with a couple of bars that go over it to hang things on. There's a little froggy that sings if you pull on it, a mirror, several different kinds of rattles, etc...

She looks at the froggy and gives her big toothless grin. She's just on the verge of giggling so along with the big grin is a little squeak/squeal of delight. Then she concentrates on the rattle. She reaches her closed fist toward it and bats at it. Much to her delight, it begins to swing back and forth. And I wonder if she understands that she caused it to swing or if she hasn't made that connection yet. My cousin Michael called her "the philosopher baby" at our recent family reunion because she always has a concentrated look like she's solving the problems of global hunger or something. She wears this expression now as she contemplates the swinging rattle. Then her eyes move to the mirror. She sees herself and is delighted once more giving herself that big grin accompanied by the squeak. Then back to the mystery of the rattle. She bats at it again and watches it swing again. Then she looks at the froggy with another happy smile. 

Then I see her whole body relax and she turns her head to look directly at me. Tired from her 15 minutes of play she looks like she will fall asleep on her own, a rare occurrence. Her eyes half-closed she smiles at me and my heart jumps out of my chest and snuggles up with her as she slips into dreams.