We've moved Emery from her crib onto a mattress on the floor. It wasn't originally in the plan to do it this soon, but her potty training is going so well that in order to take the next step she needs to be able to get out of bed to use the potty during naps and at night. A few months ago we tried moving her directly from her crib to the twin bed in her room, but it wasn't working so this time I just took her crib mattress out of the crib and put it on the floor so she could be more comfortable... sort of a transition mattress before we move to the big bed permanently.
The first day for her nap we fought a little to keep her in her room. She finally gave up and slept, but only about half as long. In the night she got up several times and we had to keep putting her back in her room. Several days went by and every day she slept less, and every night she fought us, and every morning she woke up earlier and earlier. And slowly, over the course of a week or so my sweet, obedient, if somewhat mischevous daughter turned into a tantrum-throwing, toy-hitting, eye-scratching monster. She's tired all the time... so tired that she's in this hyper-hysterical state which makes it even harder for her to get good sleep.
I have been observing this change with growing alarm, but faith that it would settle down when she got used to the bed. But this change has been taking its toll, not just on Emery, but on me as well... and today was the last straw.
All morning I had to follow her around watching her like a hawk. If I took my eyes off her for a single second she would deliberately get into something she knew I wanted her to stay away from. Forget housework. She would resist my descipline, scream "NO!" into my face and throw tantrums that would freeze my blood. I finally decided that she needed sleep more than she needed to learn to sleep outside her crib, and using the potty during naps can wait. So I put the mattress back in the crib and planned to put her down for her nap an hour early.
So at 11:00 I took her into her room to change her out of her panties and into a diaper for her nap. But she didn't want to change out of her panties. And then the battle started. I knew that I had to win this tantrum, just like I have to win ALL of the battles we have. So I decided to just hold her down till she stopped fighting me and started obeying. I literally held her down kicking and screaming and sweating and crying for 30 minutes. She was so tired that she actually almost fell asleep in the middle of the tantrum. I could see her eyes rolling back and her lids closing and her body relaxing, till she remembered that she was mad and would restart the kicking and screaming with new vigour. Her hair was streaming with sweat from the effort and she was choking from the saliva she didn't swallow because she was so busy screaming her lungs out. I was seriously afraid that the neighbors would call CPS.
I did win. And she is asleep in her crib with her diaper on. But it doesn't feel like a win. It feels like a loss. A big loss. I don't know where to go from here, but one thing is for sure. We're going to get her all caught up on sleep before we try the mattress on the floor again.
What did I do wrong? What can I do better? Why does parenting have to be this constant exercise in trial and error... success and failure?
1 comment:
I have nothing to offer you my friend, but I can pass along something from my mother-in-law who visited us recently (and who raised 4 magnificent children who now highly respect and love her and love God). She told me that she is now reaping the benefits of all her sacrifice and hardwork when her children were young and that it was all worth it. I am inspired by you and how you mother. Thank you for sharing.
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