I suppose I always thought of this verse as a comfort for all types of worry. Vague worry that I said the wrong thing in a social setting or worry that I didn't do well at work or at school. But I'm reading this verse with fresh eyes and seeing that it's really about money. It applies to the other types of worry as well, of course, but it's telling me not to stress about money. This is the hardest thing. As I read it, it strikes me how flippant Jesus is being about money. Like he's saying something so obvious and it seems funny that he has to put it into such words... like he's explaining it to 1st graders or people who are very dense. "If God takes care of the birds and the grass what makes you think he won't take care of you? He knows you need those things, he's not so distant that he forgets you have to eat and wear clothes. He knows that every month you pay rent and the phone bill and your heavy student loans... why do you waste your time worrying about something over which you have very little control, but God has ultimate control?"
And it occurs to me that by worrying about money I am limiting the power of God. I am acknowledging my deepest fear that either God is not capable of working out this problem or that he doesn't care enough to help me with it. If you asked me outright whether I believed that God cared enough about me to provide for all my needs I would tell you without hesitation that I believe it to be true. If you asked me if I believed that God is capable of providing for all my needs I would also tell you that I believe that also to be true. So why is it hard to believe that he will and is taking care of these things that weigh me down? When the burden of student loans threatens to crush my spirit why do I not give them to God... why did I not give them to God in the first place?
4 comments:
Great, great post! Thanks!!
It's so easy for me to believe that God DOES and CAN... but much harder for me to truly believe that he WILL. That's the crux of it, for me, do I believe he WILL? Not WILL in the presumption sense-- he's God, he will do whatever he wants. But WILL in-- has he promised? Does he offer? His provision might come to me in unexpected ways, but he still provides. Do I trust him?
And it comes down to my uncertainty that he will do these things for ME. Sure, for you, or him, or her, or the next guy... but for me?
That's hardcore and personal.
I was just laying in bed before I read this, thinking about HOW POOR we were at Andrews. I run in over and over in my mind, and there is no way on paper that we even survived.
But we thrived. And I had times of trusting God so implicitly, and times where my faith would shudder and I'd inevitably call Katie freaking out, "I just don't know how we're going to make it!" She would laugh at me; "Oh Harm, it seems like you've said that before..."
He was so faithful. We worked our butts off, but man, was he faithful. I never realized before Andrews how much he cared for me materially. ME.
And even so, I still struggle not to forget.
I hear your struggle. It is confusing "knowing", and yet having the anxiousness of your humanity weighing you down telling you that you have to be in control. God expects us to take care of our responsibilities, but also expects to realize that he is right there with us taking on the burden and providing the way for us. We don't always get what we want and how we want it. through those times He is our strength and guide in learning our way through it and giving us peace with the burden.
You have an incredible attitude and outlook on the situation. I understand that these stresses are real. I often wonder what I will do once I return from Madagascar. I will only have a little bit of money to find a place to live, get a job, and continue to pay my $785/mo loan payments. And in my account it doesn't add up. But God always took care of me. In Loma Linda while I was waiting to take my boards again, God provided me with a good job, a place to live, etc. And He will continue to provide for you. Continue to have faith my sister. I love you.
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