Why I don't teach Elementary School

So I substituted for the third grade class today. And I was reminded, once again, why I don't teach Elementary school. I always thought it was funny how, in general, Elementary school teachers tend to fear a high-school classroom and, in general, how high-school teachers tend to fear Elementary school classrooms. It's good that God gave us all different passions and skills.
Now, a little side note here... I love kids! I really like them... I just prefer them in smaller doses, and in a non-structured non-educational setting. And I would also like to say that I really don't mind substituting for the lower grades occasionally, I just know that I could never do it as a full time job. And one more add on... the kids I watched today were really wonderful kids. They gave me no problems and were very sweet and helpful. Ok... back to the rant... Here's a list of the reasons I don't teach Elementary school.

Reason #5- Never ending questions when the answer would be given if the class would just wait about 6 seconds for me to finish my instructions.

"Mrs. Painter when is PE class? Mrs. Painter how many problems are we doing? Mrs. Painter do we need to turn this in? Can we work with a buddy? What page are we on? How are we going to split up the teams? Do we need scratch paper? What are we doing after this?"

Reason #4-"Helpful advice" when I already am aware of the situation or problem and am currently dealing with it.

"Mrs. Painter, the teams are uneven! (I know this... we'll figure out a solution) Mrs. Painter Jonny isn't supposed to play PE today. (I know that, that's why he's sitting out today.) Mrs. Painter, we already watched this learning video. (I know that, we're reviewing it) Mrs. Painter, we don't have any scratch paper. (I know that, I'm actually walking to a stack of scratch paper as you talk to me so I can hand it out for you)"

Reason #3- Having to repeat myself... and repeat myself... and repeat myself... and.........

"Ok class, turn to page 307 in your math books." (rustling in desks and backpacks for a minute or so.)
(student #1) "What page?"
"307"
(student number 2) "What page?"
"307"
(student number 3) "What page?"
"307. Ok we're learning about division today. So let's take a look at the example problem in your book..."
(Student number 4) "What page?"
"307. Ok the example problem in your book starts out with 40 divided by..."
(Student number 5) "What page?"
"307."
(Me waiting for it... waiting for it... waiting for it...)
(Student number 6) "What page?"
"307."
(Me waiting for it...)
(Student number 7) "What page?"
"307."
(And it continues...)

Reason #2- tracking down lost or missing items

"Mrs. Painter, I lost my math book."
"Is it in your desk?"
"no"
"Is it in your cubby?"
(student checking...)
"Oh yes, here it is!"

"Mrs. Painter I lost my jacket."
"What does it look like?"
"It's blue"
(Quickly scanning the classroom for blue jackets and coming up empty)
"Did you leave it in the gym after lunch?"
"No I am positive I had it after lunch."
(another student loyally joining in...)
"Yes Mrs. Painter, I saw her get it from the gym after lunch."
(Me scanning the classroom again for blue jackets...)
"Well let's just go check the gym ok?"
(arriving at the gym, noticing a blue jacket on the floor...) "Is that it?"
"Yes!"

And the #1 reason I don't teach Elementary school?

Reason #1- TATTLING!

"Mrs. Painter, Jonny took my ball away when I was playing with it! Mrs. Painter, Suzy cheated at the game we were playing. Mrs. Painter, Larry isn't doing his work. Mrs. Painter, Harry hit me (which is always quickly followed by a very defensive...) "But Mary hit me first!" or "I didn't mean to!"

So I'm a high-school teacher to the core. Bring on the attitude problems. Bring on the sleeping in class. Bring on the lack of motivation, the hyper-hormonal behavior, the sarcasm, the drama of high-school. Bring on the teenagers! I know how to deal with that stuff. I feel equipped to deal with that stuff! But although I'll substitute for an elementary classroom, it just reminds me all over again that I really don't belong there!