I'm so in love. The moments of wonder come unexpectedly. Sometimes they come in the middle of the night when I'm alone with Emery and she's fallen asleep with milk all over her little lips. I know that I should go to bed because I'll hate myself in the morning, but all I want to do is gaze at her sleeping face and stroke her perfect pink cheek or her soft dark baby hair. Or I'll be doing something else during the day and she'll be awake looking around and I'll see her little arm flail into the air and wonder that a person can be so very small. And sometimes I'm holding her and I wish in my heart that she was mine and I could keep her and it comes dawning slowly again to me that she is, in fact, mine and I will keep her!
And then there's the worrying. I never worried so much about anything in my life. Is she too hot? Is she too cold? Is she hungry? But mostly it comes in the middle of the night when she's sleeping... is she still breathing?
Then there's the breastfeeding... breastfeeding is a problem. Emery is not good at eating. She doesn't latch on properly and every single time getting her to latch on is kind of a fight. She cries and I walk around the room singing to her and bouncing her and trying to get her to try again. And then when she latches on she's kind of a wimpy eater. She likes to eat in courses. Eat a little, get a diaper change, eat a little more, sit on mommy's lap looking around a little more, eat some more, etc... After 3 weeks of this she's finally getting slightly better at latching on. It only takes her 3-7 minutes instead of 10-15. One day I hope she'll finally get the concept.
Then there's the diaper thing. We are using a creative combination of cloth and disposable right now. Eventually I would like to move to using cloth only but it's a challenge right now considering half my house is packed in boxes ready to move. Plus, we don't have enough of the small size diapers even if we do laundry every day. We can use the larger sized ones but then she's shaped like a bowling pin! And I simply don't get the point of the diapers that are like a diaper and a cover in one. Is it really easier to pull out and re-stuff them then to just change the diaper and put on a new cover? And even then, aren't you putting a wet diaper back on a little bottom? Why don't people just use the cloth and the plastic covers all the time?
Well it sounds like Emery is ready for her 4th course for this meal so I'd better go feed her... again...
3 comments:
of course, i wanted to respond to all the heart stuff, and I really should-- but I can't pass up the diaper bit.
If you are referring to pocket diapers, like the bumgenius, then here is the difference: covers that go over pre-folds can be wiped down and used again and again until they are grody. Pocket diapers should only be used once, and then disposed of in the pail. May seem silly to get rid of a "cover" like that, but the fleece inside is usually wet and soiled.
The convenience of the pocket diaper is not re-usability, but ease to put on and ease to keep on. Believe me, this matters once Emery moves around. But in these infant days, I found with Ellenor that pre-folds and covers were infinitely more simple. =)
Just go with what you need to do now. Once you're moved and settled, and once you're used to your baby girl, all these things will fall into place. You have many, many days within which to purchase diapers and figure out your method. It's worth it in the end.
Thanks Harmony... that makes much more sense now!
lindsey, that was really beautiful. she is yours and you get to keep her near your heart. the wonder you feel is so beautiful. thank you for sharing.
when do you move?
why is is that inspiration always happens when you can't do anything about it? always in the shower, in the middle of the night or when driving.
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